Grilled Love
by Tamagoakura
Summary: Burger King and McDonald's have a steamy moment of passion.


Burger King's foundations trembled in anticipation. How long had it wanted this, how many years? The PR battles, the wild rush for prime commercial space between the fast food chains had been a manifestation of the raw need the two juggernauts felt for one another. A need as raw and unbridled as the cows they both kept for patties.

Burger King, The King, BK.

McDonald's, McD's, Mickey Dee's.

They were supposed to be rivals, and yet... Burger King let out a sigh of food-scented pleasure as the older fast food chain stroked it's beautiful golden arches across the King's firm outer walls. The younger restaurant's beams groaned in pleasure, it's grease sizzling hot in it's innermost parts.

"What have we got on the menu?" It asked in seductive tones.

"Oh hohoho," McDonald's laughed, voice as smooth and silky as a triple-thick strawberry shake for only $2.09. "My toys aren't only for kids."

The red and yellow building produced a long hose and BK gasped. "Y-you are not going to..."

"I am." McD's said with a clownish grin. Before Burger King could say anything McDonald's pushed the hose into it's open drive-thru window and turned it on. Pleasantly warm water splashed out onto the building's linoleum floors. "I'm gonna clean you out then we can really have some fun."

"O-ooh McDonald's! It feels so strange!" Burger King cried as the water spread out into the kitchen, the bathrooms, the dining room and play place. "It's getting so deep!"

"You're so naughty Burger King, I bet you haven't been mopped in days."

BK gasped again as the water kept flowing. "N-no! I keep myself at a p-pristine level of cleanliness because I want my customers to... nngh... have the best dining experience I can give them! Huaah!"

McDonald's chuckled and slowly extracted the hose, causing water to spill from the other building's lewd, wet window. It's concrete crackled and shifted as it moved closer to Burger king. "I brought something for you, King. Something I know you can't get enough of."

BK shuttered at the soft rumble of the other building's words. It had been ready for this, or so it thought, but it was getting nervous. So nervous, in fact, that it's grills and fryers began to cool. McDonald's noticed this and it's doors curved down into a frown.

"Burger King, is this too much for you? We can stop if you need to..."

"No!" The King cried out, "No, I just... I just got a little scared. Please, just touch me a bit first. I'll be fine."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset! I'm not!" Kitchen and bathroom faucets began to leak, slowly at first until they were gushing torrents of water.

"Then why are you crying?"

BK whimpered a bit, turning it's geometric form so that it wouldn't have to look directly into the face of it's rival-turned-lover. "Because... Because I'm worried I wont be able to make you feel as good as KFC. I'm just not on your level. You and KFC... You two really had something. Me? My stocks are so tiny compared to yours."

McDonald's frown deepened. It knew that Burger King had an inferiority complex over it's stocks. They were a measly 17.75, and when compared to KFC's 64.94 and McDonald's own 95.29 the restaurant could understand the strife.

"Burger King... Burger King, look at me!"

The younger restaurant nudged around just enough to peek at McD's out of the corner of it's window. "King, if I wanted KFC I would be with it right now. But I'm with you. I don't care about your stock prices! I'm not with you for your shares! I'm with you because I love you, Burger King. I love your crisp nuggets, and your blue roof, and your delicious flame-broiled burger patties."

Burger King felt the tension fall away from it's tables and chairs. "I love you too, McDonald's."

The older chain stroked BK's red roof trimming with it's arches. The King moaned softly, it's faucets finally ceasing their flood. It's burners picked back up and the grease in it's fryers bubbled. McDonald's slid to be store-face to store-face with it's soon-to-be lover and opened it's doors, brushing them softly against BK's own front entrance. The younger store cracked it's glass-plated doors open and sighed contentedly at the feeling of their metal frames sliding against one another in a sweet kiss. After a while BK took initiative and slid it's long entrance rug out to timidly poke at the other building's. McDonald's happy obliged, slipping it's rug into the other's open doors. The brightly colored strips of synthetic material slid against one another in an increasingly needy kiss.

Finally they pulled away and shut their doors, both panting and their drive-thru screens broadcasting the soft pink of their blushes.

"Please," BK gasped, "I'm ready for what you wanted to show me."

"Are you sure this time, King?" McDonald's asked cautiously.

"Absolutely."

McD's doors slid into a feral grin. "Oh, you're gonna like this."

Burger King shuddered but before it could say anything a loud series of honks sounded. It looked to see what the commotion was about and saw a long line of buses driving toward them. The buses parked along it's lot, long and thick and heavy. Burger King moaned at the feeling and it's windows flew wide when the bus doors spread open and a veritable sea of obese patrons poured out. The babbling, undulating crowd made a beeline for Burger King's doors. McDonald's chuckled and backed away a bit to allow the customers more room to clamor into the younger building.

BK's fryers and grills were soon at maximum output. Thick-limbed people thundered over the freshly cleaned floors, tubby fingers dipping into napkin holders and large bums filling every seat in the house. There were so many people, in fact, that a large amount were forced to climb back into the busses and go through the drive-thru.

Burger King gasped and mewled at the twisting, undulating feeling of fullness. "Oh g-god, McDonald's, they're so... so big! Aaanh, it feels so good, my stocks are... Are...!"

The building shuddered and turned to McDonald's, throwing it's doors open. "Please, Mickey Dee's, cook with me!"

McD's didn't need to be asked twice. It opened it's doors and the people flowed out of Burger King and into it's red and yellow walls. The two buildings swapped customers back and forth, gasping and moaning and frying hotly. Sodas and ice cream gushed freely from their sensitive nozzles. Their cash registers beeped like mad, their sounds of opening and closing drawers, loose change, and paper money being passed around filled their microphones.

Finally the customers had sated themselves and filed out back into their busses. They drove away, leaving the two buildings filthy, but sated. Burger King cuddled up next to McDonald's and smiled softly. "That was amazing."

"I told you you'd like it."

BK leaned over and tapped their walls together playfully. "Don't get a big head, now."

McD's chuckled and leaned against it's love. "I guess it's closing time, huh?"

"I don't know about that," Burger King said with a devious smirk. "My drive-thru's open 24/7."

"I just might have to come by for a midnight snack." McDonald's said and brushed it's doors against BK in a tender kiss.


End file.
